The Sound of Silence
by StillWaving
Summary: Two men meet by chance in a bar and move in together... both end up facing memories they thought they'd lost.... AU.... Royed
1. My Fair Share

**Summary: Two men meet by chance in a bar and they both explore places in their mind they didn't know they had anymore… AU… Yaoi… Royed**

**Warning: Yaoi (royed)… cursing… very suggestive themes… angst… lost of angst….**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Ed he'd probably call me 'author bastard' and get mad at me when I told him not to worry because we can be short together….**

**Chapter 1: My fair share**

"Hey, another round!" the black haired gentleman called out.

The bar tender nodded and handed him a tall bottle full of the same disgusting alcohol he'd been drinking all night.

"Thanks…" he muttered barely audible and took a large swig of the drink.

"You keep drinking that crap you'll get sick…" came a quiet voice next to him.

He looked over to see a short, younger looking, man with long blond hair falling in front of his eyes.

"Like you're one to talk…" he spat nodding towards the blond's drink.

"Mine doesn't taste like shit…" the blond said indifferently without looking at him.

"You're just a kid, what would you know?" He asked narrowing his eyes at the blond.

"Is that a crack about my height, bastard?" the blond asked, anger rising in his voice.

"Maybe pipsqueak, what are you going to do about it?"

The blond looked at him finally and he blinked at the sight of a pair of startling bright golden eyes.

The gold eyes were directing a glare of utter hatred towards him, "Nothing, bastard, but don't go calling me short…"

"Why, shorty? Too short to do anything about it?"

"Fuck off, you're too drunk to be worth my time anyway…"

The blond looked back at the bar and his blond hair covered his eyes again.

"Sorry…" the darker haired man muttered, continuing to stare at the blond. "Just a little… moody is all…"

"That's what you get for drinking that shit…" the blond answered.

The older gentleman swallowed his anger and kept talking casually, the 'shit' almost forgotten in his hand.

"What's your name kid?" he asked, sincerely curious.

"Ed, I'd ask you for yours, but it doesn't really matter, it's not like I'll ever see or talk to you again…"

"My name is Roy, and you should try showing more respect to your elders kid…"

"I'm not a kid, I've seen more than my fair share of terrible things, if that didn't age me then 24 years of living would, don't judge me on my height…"

Ed took another swig of his drink and continued to avoid Roy's gaze.

"Would you feel like sharing?"

Ed looked at him skeptically, "And why would you care about my problems?"

"Just curious, plus I don't really have anything else to do tonight…"

"I haven't had enough alcohol yet to talk about all that shit…"

"And how much alcohol would be enough?" Roy asked, genuinely curious.

"Well we'll find out won't we?" Ed said as he nodded to the bartender to request another bottle.

**Ok uh, my first Fullmetal fanfiction that's not a oneshot… hope you liked it (yes it will be very depressing… sorry :P)**

**Anyway I just thought I should take care of this idea before I write another chapter for Brighter…. Not looking forward to it….. .:pouts:.**


	2. That's Why the Sky Cries

**Summary: Two men meet by chance in a bar and they both explore places in their mind they didn't know they had anymore… AU… Yaoi… Royed**

**Warning: Yaoi (royed)… cursing… very suggestive themes… and angst… lots of angst….**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Ed we'd measure ourselves all day long till we were finally tall…. Or until he yelled at me for calling us both short :P**

**Chapter 2: That's why the sky cries**

Roy Mustang's house was clean, very clean.

Everything had its place and Roy made it his daily job to keep them in their place. He couldn't stand it when things weren't clean, it bothered him.

Ed blinked and raised an eyebrow at the sight of a clean home.

He looked at Roy and gave him a look that distinctly was meant to offend.

"Clean freak…" he muttered walking through the door and headed for a couch.

"Short freak…" Roy muttered back, locking the door behind himself and following Ed to the living room.

Ed sighed, "I can't believe I agreed to this he said quietly, chuckling at himself slightly, "This is so stupid, you probably don't really care what happened to me…"

"Yeah it's probably just the alcohol, but either way, you got me curious, so feel free to share when you're ready…"

Ed looked away and mumbled incoherently for a few seconds.

"Sorry Ed, didn't catch that…"

"You're a bastard..." Ed growled at him.

"So you've said… a couple of times actually…" Roy nodded towards Ed, "Now sit down and tell me what's on your mind."

"You're lucky I've had so much alcohol bastard…"

"I barely know you and you're calling me a bastard, this is turning into a wonderful relationship indeed…" Roy dramatized.

"Yeah well I barely know you and you're bringing me into your house and asking me to share my life story, what else you got?"

"True, true…" Roy sighed dramatically again, "Ah the affects of alcohol, a friend only too familiar…"

"Put a sock in it drama queen, nobody gives a damn what you think anyway…"

Ed crossed his arms and glared at the coffee table.

"Ghosts are terrible things…" Ed said quietly after a while.

His glare had been replaced with an almost hollow look in the golden eyes that Roy found so startling.

"They just keep haunting you, coming up when you don't want them too… reminding you of terrible things… things you thought you'd gotten rid of… things you thought you grew out of…"

"I can't say I know why things happen, or why people have to hurt so much… but I've seen enough pain to last me two life times… and I know why it rains… why the sky cries each night… "

"I want to know Ed, I want you to tell me about your ghosts…I want you to tell me why your sky cries…" Roy said quietly, as sincere as he could be under the influence of so much alcohol.

"Yeah…" Ed breathed turning his attention to a window, "Yeah I bet you do…"

…**.**

_A two and a half year old Ed sat on the floor, his blond hair not very long at all. He was squatting on the floor playing with a little ladybug and laughing childishly._

_He looked up at his mom and dad, who were sitting on the couch happily, both with their hands on his mothers stomach._

"_I imagine it'll happen soon…" his mother said, smiling tenderly at her stomach, I'm still not really sure what to call her though…_

"_Or him…" his father added, "You keep forgetting Trisha, it _could _be a boy…"_

"_It doesn't matter to me Van," she said, her smile still lighting up her face, "I'll still love them…"_

"_As will we all…Trisha," Van Hoenhiem said, nodding towards Ed._

_They both smiled at each other and continued the light exchange as Ed watched them, his head tilted to one side, from the floor._

…**.**

"_Oh Van he's so…"_

"_Beautiful?" Hoenhiem finished for her, smiling at the small bundle in her arms._

"_Yes…" she said, water swelling in her eyes._

"_Alphons Hoenhiem has a nice sort of ring to it…" Hoenhiem said getting into a somewhat dramatic pose from his seat by the hospital bed._

"_What's so bootyfuw?" Ed asked from the floor, jumping to try and see over the edge._

_Hoenhiem laughed and lifted Ed up, holding him next to Trisha._

"_There Ed, can you see now?"_

"_I could see fine befow," Ed pouted, "I'm not showt daddy!"_

_Trisha and Hoenhiem both chuckled and Hoenhiem held Ed closer to the bundle in Trisha's arm._

"_Here Ed," Trisha said smiling as she removed some cloth from the bundle's face, "Say hello to your new baby brother…"_

…**.**

"_You shouldn't be leaving us!" Ed shouted angrily at his father._

"_What about Al?! Al won't know who his father was! He won't ever know because you're leaving him!"_

_Ed could feel the hurt rising higher in his chest and his vision started to blur with tears._

"_What about mom. Mom doesn't want to be alone, she doesn't want you to leave us, mom'll be lonely!" _

_Ed glared at the floor, not being able to bring himself to look at his father._

"_What about me dad? What am I going to do… when you're not here…? You tell me that! What about me!?"_

"_You wouldn't understand…" came a cold voice from the door way. Ed looked up surprised at his father._

_He'd never heard his voice that dark before, he'd never heard his father speak to him that way, like they weren't family at all… like he hated him…_

"_But I—" _

"_Stop being such a child Ed and learn to stand on your own two feet… I told you that you wouldn't understand, I need you to wait… I need Al and Trisha to wait too…and when the time comes… I'll come home…"_

_Ed stood in the doorway watching the retreating back of his father walking down the road._

_He could never have known that the time would never come… and that he, Al, and his mother, would never see Van Hoenhiem again…_

…**.**

"_Ha Al! Race you back to the house!" Ed called over his shoulder._

"_No fair Ed, you got a head start!" Al cried running as fast as his little legs would take him._

"_Haha Al, you're so slow!" Ed teased running up the hill towards their home._

"_That's mean Ed, you're so short!" Al shouted as a last resort._

"_Who're you calling so small he can only be seen with a super powerful magnifying glass! A pathetically tiny midget pipsqueak!"_

"_Brother I never said that…" Al said from a few feet ahead of Ed, who'd lost in his distraction._

"_No fair Al…"_

"_Haha Ed, you're so slow!" Al teased, sticking his tongue out._

"_I call a rematch!" Ed called out chasing his brother around the yard._

"_Ah Ed, what are you doing with that stick!? MOM!!"_

…_**.**_

"_Brother how come talking about daddy makes you all upset? Did he do something wrong? Do you hate him?"_

"_I can't say I hate him Al, I don't really remember him that well…" Ed thought about the day before Al was born… his first memory…his mom and Hoenhiem sitting happily on the couch talking… about what he couldn't remember… he just knew they were talking…He remembered the day Al was born, Hoenhiem holding him up to see the face of his baby brother…He remembered the day that Hoenhiem, left…leaving them all alone. He could barely remember what was said, but he knew Hoenhiem promised to come back… and he never did…_

"_But he makes me so angry!" Ed said standing up and holding a fist in the air. "He makes mom sad all the time, so I don't need any more reasons to hate him!" He announced triumphantly, as if that proved his point._

"_Brother your silly… daddy will come home soon…"_

…_**.**_

"_Hurry up Al you slow poke!" Ed shouted as he ran into the house only to be stopped in his tracks by a woman's body laying sprawled on the ground._

_He dropped the grocery bags and ran forward, only to hear Al drop his own bag and run forward as well._

"_Mom!" they both cried, one after the other._

**OK chapter two! (I'm really just avoiding typing my other stuff…. I'm such a bad person -.-)**

**Anyway, plenty of flashbacks and angst… next chapter's not gonna be any happier… sorry :P**


	3. You Told Me I Was Home

**Summary: Two men meet by chance in a bar and they both explore places in their mind they didn't know they had anymore… AU… Yaoi… Royed**

**Warning: Yaoi (royed)… cursing… very suggestive themes… and angst… lots of angst…. And some slight happiness .:gasps:. Oh my gosh!**

**Disclaimer: Ed is mine! .:laughs maniacally until a couple of tall men with glasses and very white coats come and tell me it's time for my medicine:. …. Ah phooey .:pouts:.**

**Chapter 3: You told me I was home**

"Don't you have somewhere you need to be?" Roy asked Ed.

Ed blinked and tried to focus. He sat up from his rather uncomfortable position on the couch, having just woken up and he felt a large headache begin to set in his forehead.

"Mm… hangover…" he muttered unhappily. "Well this sucks…"

He began to lay back down but was interrupted by a large body standing over him. "I asked you if you had somewhere you needed to be Edward…" Roy stated calmly, looking down at Ed in an "I'm superior" kind of way.

"No I don't…" Ed stated bitterly.

"Then how'd you pay for all that beer last night?" Roy asked, confusion lightly apparent in his still firm voice.

"That was my last pay check… I got fired… he gave me my final pay check and sent me on my way…"

"So you spent the only money you had trying to drink away your problems?" Roy asked him, narrowing his eyes.

"Fuck off Roy, what do you care anyway?"

"I care Ed… I care a lot… and if you're in trouble I want to help you…" Roy said. Ed blinked at the expression on Roy's face and felt a little guilty. Roy had said it to Ed like it should've been obvious but it wasn't… not to Ed… Ed was sick off falling for that trick… that 'let me help you' trick… they never really wanted to help… they only ever made things worse.

"Hmph…" he pouted, crossing his arms and avoiding Roy's gaze.

Roy sighed, feeling slightly annoyed with the young blond. "Look Ed, do you want to try coming to work with me?"

Ed still wouldn't look at him.

"I might be able to get you a job…" still no answer, "Or you can just stay here… I don't really care…"

Ed finally looked up at him, a curious look on his face. "You're… you're not kicking me out?"

Roy shrugged, "I've always wanted a bit of company, this house can get pretty empty with only me living here…"

Ed's face lit up in a way Roy had never seen. He looked more like a child than he ever had and those eyes that Roy liked so much were shining brighter than they had the night before.

"I'd love to stay!" Ed said, letting his excitement get the better of him. "I mean if that's really ok with you…" he added.

Roy grinned, "Of course it's ok Ed, just stay here today, I'll be back around six, and we'll go out. You can come to work with me tomorrow if you really want to."

Ed nodded his head excitedly, "Ok!"

…**.**

Ed watched, almost sadly, as Roy's car drove away down the road and he was left waving on the steps.

He felt lonely because he was being left again but he knew Roy would come back… he felt like Roy was different… and maybe, just maybe, he'd finally be allowed to call some place home.

…**.**

"_You knew this was coming Ed… you knew all along since your precious mother died, and your retched father left, you knew it had to happen Ed…"_

"_No… please don't… I'll do anything…" Ed cried softly into his arms as he knelt on the floor, "Don't make Al hurt anymore…"_

"_Welcome to real life Edward…" A man with fairly long greenish-black hair knelt in front of him, "Where everyone hurts…"_

_Slap. Ed held his small hand to his face, "Don't hurt Al anymore…" he begged. "Hurt me instead…" he pleaded, looking up at the man. "Please Envy…"_

_Envy grabbed Ed's somewhat long hair and pulled up. "That won't do Edward, I adopted you… it's 'daddy' now…" Envy smirked darkly and Ed glared at him. "Now Ed that won't do if you want to keep little Al safe…"_

"_Sorry…Daddy…"_

…**.**

"Sir you're late…"

"Yes Hawkeye, sorry about that…" Roy muttered, feeling more of the affects of the 'shit' as Ed had called it.

"He chuckled a little as he remembered Ed talking about his drink.

"Something funny sir?" Hawkeye asked, looking at him with a look that seemed like a cross between annoyance and amusment.

"I just picked up a new house guest," he said, starting to chuckle again, "He's rather entertaining…"

"Sir you know what happened the last time you let a stranger into your house…" Hawkeye reminded him.

Roy's eyes turned dark, "Yes… I know…"

…**.**

"_Oh sorry…" came a small voice from behind Roy after he felt a slight bump on his legs._

_He turned around and knelt down to find himself face to face with a short little girl, probably around the age of seven or eight._

_Her short black hair fell in front of her face but he could see a small glint of blue from her eyes._

"_It's alright sweetheart…" he told her smiling._

"_What's your name?" he asked her._

_She looked at him, nothing but innocence and sadness in her pale blue eyes. "May…"_

…**.**

"_It's alright, I promise, just make yourself at home!" Roy said cheerfully to May._

"_I don't want to impose…" she said quietly, trying to avoid eye contact._

_Roy knelt down and lifted her chin, "You're not imposing, I've always wanted some company anyway!" he told her._

"_So… you're home now, ok?" He gave her a large smile and she returned it with her own small one._

_He laughed a little at her smile. "What?" she asked, the smile fading. "Is something wrong?"_

"_Nope," he shook his head, "You just look so cute when you smile!"_

…**.**

"_No!!" May called from her bedroom around two in the morning. About a year had passed since she moved in with Roy and she felt so at home already._

"_May what's wrong?" Roy asked, entering the room, wiping the sleepiness from his eyes._

"_Nightmare?" he asked knowingly. She nodded trying to wipe the tears from her eyes, as though she were ashamed of them._

"_Why don't you sleep with me tonight, I hear if you sleep holding hands with someone you'll have the same dream!"_

_She nodded and followed him to the master bedroom. "Roy…"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Don't you dare have a nightmare…"_

…**.**

_It had been about two years since May had moved in and the two were always at ease with each other._

_May had been learning to cook and at the age of ten she probably could've opened her own restaurant._

_Roy loved her cooking and they both knew it, so after he got home from work at the military base she would have a warm dinner waiting for him._

"_May I'm home!" Roy called from the door._

"_Dinner's ready!" she called back._

_He came in and sat down. "May what's with the cake?" he asked._

"_Happy Birthday!" she shouted, waving her arms in the air._

"_May it's not my birthday…" Roy pointed out._

"_Oh right…" May said, not seeming discouraged at all. "Good thing I didn't write that on the cake!"_

_Roy looked down at the cake to see that it read 'Happy Anniversary.' "Anniversary?" he looked at her skeptically._

"_Yeah Roy," May said putting her hands to her heart and smiling. " Two years ago to the day you told me I was home…"_

…**.**

"_May you're 16 now, don't you think it's about time you got a job?" Roy asked looking at her as she read silently on the couch._

_Her once short hair had grown to her waist and she'd always wear a bright red ribbon in it, and she also smiled a lot more than she used to. If he had to be honest and even if was bordering on creepy if he admitted it, he'd say she was pretty cute, but he was a bit too old for her._

"_I'd rather just stay here and help you Roy!" she explained to him, grinning up from her book._

_He smiled at her, "Get a job May…" he said and they both laughed._

…**.**

"_Why would I tell you something like that!" May demanded looking up at the four or five men surrounding her without fear._

"_Why would I help you hurt Roy?"_

"_We know you live with him, girly, so tell us his weak point, or we decide the weak point is you…" they said totally serious, one of them, probably the leader, stepping forward._

"_No!! I won't let you hurt Roy!!" She shouted at them stepping back into the wall._

"_Then we use you…"_

…**.**

"_We're sorry sir… there was nothing we could do…"_

_Roy glared at them with utter loathing and hatred. He held up a bright red ribbon and felt the anger swell in him even more._

"_I asked you to take care of her! Was that so difficult a request!"_

"_We're sorry sir, it was either we give them information about you and your position and business in the military or… well… our choice was clear…"_

"_No it wasn't Lieutenant, it obviously wasn't clear to you… because now… BECAUSE OF YOU MAY IS DEAD!!"_

"_No sir…" came a dark voice from the door way holding out a folder of paperwork. "Because they were protecting you…Because you have such a high military position and you let a child, whom you weren't related to into your house… it's because of _you _May is dead…"_

…**.**

"_It's not until you lose it that you realize how important it is…" Roy muttered to himself as he went through May's things._

"_I'm sorry Sir…" Hawkeye said standing at the door._

"_It's been a week and their asking me to bring them her things… her belongings… what do they think they'll gain by taking all her things away from me?" he asked, whimpering pathetically on the ground by May's bed._

_He held the ribbon tightly in his hand as he rummaged through her drawers for 'evidence about what she might have told them.'_

_He only stopped his 'search' when he came upon a crumpled up letter in May's shirt drawer._

"_Dear Roy…" he started reading aloud. "I just want you to know, should I never get to tell you in person… that I… gosh I can't even write you this… I just need you to know that I…" Roy stopped reading and stared at the paper as his hot tears began to stain the page._

"_What is it sir?" Hawkeye asked from the door._

"_I'm such an idiot Riza…" he said, not looking up from the page. "May was in love with me and I killed her…"_

…**.**

"Sorry Sir… I didn't mean to bring the subject up…" Hawkeye said, sadness and guilt barely creeping into her normally indifferent voice.

"It's alright Hawkeye… I was bound to have it brought up sooner or later by Ed…"

"I kept wondering when he'd make me visit my own ghosts… he hasn't even asked me and I already am…"

Hawkeye looked at Roy sadly. "I'm really sorry sir…"

"Forget it Hawkeye," Roy told her smiling. "I really should only think of how happy we were, not how sad I became…" _"Yeah Roy… two years ago to the day you told me I was home!"_

"No Roy, I mean I'm sorry I have to give you paperwork at a time like this…" Hawkeye said out of the blue…

"Oh Riza you're so cruel…" Roy said as overly dramatic tears started falling from his eyes…

…**.**

"Damnit Roy's house is boring!" Ed complained as he wandered around aimlessly.

He found himself in a pink room that looked clean… but messy at the same time.

Things were left lying around, like someone had just been living here, but not a speck of dust lay on anything, as though someone had been constantly cleaning everything in the room, but without moving it around.

"Didn't know Roy was so into pink…" Ed chuckled to himself. He looked around and decided that no matter how you looked at it this was a girls room.

He wandered around but couldn't find anything strange or extremely out of order apart from a calendar lying open to a December nine years ago, a bright red ribbon and a crumpled up sheet of paper lying on top of it.

**Ok some happier stuff… sort of… that I made angsty… wow I'm mean to these people… So yes May is an OC but I needed her to exist for the story to keep moving… so don't be hatin'! **

**Thanks to my reviewer:**

**Roarargh**** – **I'm a great author? .:eyes tear up:. I'm so touched… and here I updated so this chapter is dedicated to you… and I'd love a longer review, but any review is fine by me! :)


	4. The Gift Most Precious To Me

**Summary: Two men meet by chance in a bar and they both explore places in their mind they didn't know they had anymore… AU… Yaoi… Royed**

**Warning: Yaoi (royed)… cursing… very suggestive themes… and angst… lots of angst…. And an OC (even if I killed her nine years before the story took place….) for people who hate that… oh and an overuse of the word 'bastard'…. Just so you know…. :P**

**Disclaimer: Fate was cruel enough to deprive me of a reality in which Ed exists, fate was also cruel enough to deprive me of my name after the © that follows 'Fullmetal Alchemist'…. Stupid fate .:pouts:.**

**Chapter 4: The Gift Most Precious To Me**

"I'm home!" Roy called warily, exhausted after a mountain of paperwork had finally been defeated.

"Dinner's ready!" called a voice from the kitchen and Roy couldn't help but pause and be reminded of May again.

He shook his head and mentally cursed himself for thinking of her at the moment.

"What's up Ed?" he asked as he took a seat at the kitchen table, the smell of eggs and bacon filling his nostrils.

"Not a whole lot… your house is pretty boring…" Ed said, shrugging.

"You do know most people eat this stuff for breakfast, not dinner, right?" Roy commented, teasing Ed.

"You know what Bastard!? If you're so displeased make yourself dinner!" Roy smirked, Ed had just had the exact reaction he'd thought he'd have.

"And wipe that damn smirk off your face, it's not attractive!" Ed said, turning his attention back to the food.

Roy saw the opportunity and couldn't resist walking up behind Ed and breathing in his ear.

"So you normally find me attractive?" he whispered.

"Fuck Roy! Don't scare me like that when I'm at the fucking stove!" Ed yelled and then paused for a moment as he processed what Roy had said.

"…. Wait what!!" Ed's face turned a bright shade of red and Roy couldn't stop himself from laughing.

"Bastard!" Ed shouted, actually sounding hurt, underneath the heavy layer of embarrassment.

"Tomorrow you can make yourself dinner!!" Ed shouted as he shut off the stove, slammed the eggs and bacon onto two plates and sat at the table with one of the plates.

…**.**

"Ed if you eat that fast you'll make yourself sick…" Roy said as he watched Ed eat his eggs at an alarming speed.

"Fuck off bastard, I just don't want to sit with you any longer than I have to…" he said between bites.

"Your words hurt Ed," Roy said in an obviously false offended voice.

"You'll get over it, bastard."

…**.**

"_May what on earth are you reading? That book looks heavier than you do…"_

"_I know, I took it off your shelf…"_

"_Can you read it?"_

"_Sort of… the formula's are a little confusing but for the most part I can understand it… you must be really obsessed with fire, Roy…"_

"_I used to be… after the war I never paid it much mind, I haven't looked at those since it ended a few years ago…"_

"_Yeah it ended not long before we met!"_

"_Yeah I guess it would've been around that time…"_

_Roy's eyes darkened and he noticed, barely, during that moment that May's did too._

"_So May…" he said, in an attempt to change the subject._

"_Yes Roy?"_

"_What on earth possessed you to pick up that book anyway?"_

…**.**

"Ed what on earth are you reading?" Roy asked curiously.

"Ed… Ed!... EDWARD!"

"Huh? Did you say something Roy?" Ed asked looking up from the book.

"Didn't realize my books were so terribly fascinating Edward…"

"It's strangely intriguing actually… didn't know you were so into fire…"

Roy blinked and couldn't help but replace Ed's golden hair with black… and a bright red bow…

"I used to be… not so much nowadays…"

"Well why don't you get back into it?"

Roy blinked at the question, "What?"

"You know, go back to being interested in fire and combustion etc. go back and take a look at these old books of yours and get this dust off of them, it's not good for your breathing you know…" Roy blinked again, "Ed something's wrong with you…" Ed grinned up at him before turning back to the book, "So I've been told…"

Roy sat on the couch next to Ed, "Do you even understand it?"

"More or less…" Roy shook his head before the image of a red ribbon could come back.

"I swear all the kids I've ever met are too smart for their own good…"

"What other kids have you met?" Ed asked without looking up from the book.

Roy's eyes darkened as he thought… "Ed have you been to the pink room yet?"

…**.**

"_Merry Christmas Roy!" May shouted holding out a badly wrapped box with a green tag that said 'to Roy' on it._

_Roy smiled at her, "Thank you May…" he said taking the box. He opened it to find a pair of pajamas with ducks on them._

"…………_??" He looked at her with raised eyebrows and looked bewildered._

_May started laughing… more cracking up at the sight of Roy's reaction. "I knew you would like them!" she said in between fits of laughter. "Why May? Why?" he asked shaking his head, trying to hide a small smile that had crept onto his face. "You teenagers make no sense, the instant you turn 13 you think you're the funniest people on the planet."_

_May smirked at him playfully, "You're welcome…"_

_He sighed and chuckled as he handed her his present, a rather better wrapped box with a bright red ribbon on it. "Merry Christmas May…"_

_She opened it to find a set of hair ties, a hairbrush, and some shampoo. "Roy are you trying to say something here?"_

_Roy chuckled, "You're hair's getting longer May, you really need to take better care of it…" he explained._

_She smiled and took out the brush, "If you think I should take good care of it then I won't rest till it's beautiful!"_

_She brushed her hair and took the red ribbon from the box, much to Roy's surprise. "That's not part of the present you know…"_

_She grinned at him as she tied the ribbon into her hair and she spun around._

"_I know, but you still gave it to me, that makes it priceless…"_

…**.**

Ed wandered around the pink room and looked at some of the other stuff. He watched Roy steal glances at the calendar with the ribbon and the crumpled up paper, but he thought better than to ask Roy what that was about.

He came across a plain brown hair brush sitting on top of a wooden box. Ed opened it to find it full of hair ties and bows etc.

"This girl liked to do her hair then?" he asked not looking at Roy as he continued to look at the stuff.

"You could say that…" Roy said darkly.

"Sorry Roy…"

"Don't worry about it Ed, it was bound to come up sooner or later, you didn't honestly think I owned this room did you?"

"I figured you weren't really a pink guy…"

Roy chuckled lightly, more out of politeness than anything else.

"Well then… if you wouldn't mind telling me what happened to this girl December nine years ago…" Ed said calmly as he pointed to the calendar on the bed side table and looked at Roy, completely determined to learn what had left Roy so completely alone…

**Well here we are, an actual fast update… since I don't think I'll be able to for a few days (I've got summer homework that I now only have like a week to do… -.- stupid procrastination…)**

**Thanks to my reviewer who reviewed three times o.O …. I'm not complaining though, thanks a million!! I 3 reviews!!**

**Evangeline Jr.**** – Yeah Ed is a hypocrite… he yells at Roy about it then drinks himself into drunken-ness :P ….. no you're not terrible, I appreciate your review very much :)…. Yeah I sorta overused the word 'bastard' a bit… but I imagine it being Ed's like new favorite word :P ….. and I didn't include any more of Ed's past (that comes in a chapter or two) but here's more of Roy's depressing one… yes it's rather sad… just wait till we go to the time before May!**


	5. Bringing You Back To Me

**Summary: Two men meet by chance in a bar and they both explore places in their mind they didn't know they had anymore… AU… Yaoi… Royed**

**Warning: Yaoi (royed)… cursing… very suggestive themes… and angst… lots of angst…. And an OC (even if I killed her nine years before the story took place….) for people who hate that… oh and an overuse of the word 'bastard'…. Just so you know…. :P**

**Disclaimer: Alas, I am forever cursed to not own Ed the character or Fullmetal Alchemist the manga/anime….…. Darn it -.-**

**Chapter 5: Bringing you back to me**

_May looked at the room, her pale blue eyes glowing with a kind of happiness Roy didn't know existed._

"_I take that to mean you like it…" he said simply, trying not to laugh at her childish glee._

"_I love it…" she said quietly, smiling up at Roy. "It's Pink!"_

_Roy looked around at the bright pink room he'd paid to have painted such a color. He chuckled and shook his head at himself. "That it is May, that it is…"_

…**.**

"_Oh my god!!"_

_Roy ran into the room, "May what's wrong?"_

"_Roy why is there blood down there!?" May demanded pointing to her…regions._

_Roy's face turned completely red, "W-what?"_

"_I'm bleeding Roy! My butt is bleeding!"_

_Without saying anything more Roy turned around and headed for the phone._

_He dialed Hawkeye's home number and waited for her to answer the phone._

"_Hi Riza speaking…" came her voice from the other line._

"_Oh my god Riza, save me…"_

…**.**

"_May what do you want for your birthday?" Roy asked one night at dinner, "I mean 14 is a big number…"_

"_A big number? Roy you're way older than 14…"_

"_Now that's not fair, I was 14 only like 12 years ago…"_

_May giggled and looked at him skeptically, "Yeah you're so young…" she commented sarcastically_

"_You know when you're this old, look this good you will not!" _**(A/N: haha… Star Wars reference… :P)**

…**.**

"_Roy!" May shouted as she ran into the house, returning from work._

"_What's the matter May? You're home late… what happened?" Roy asked looking in shock at the tears on May's face._

"_May what's wrong? What happened?" he asked as he rushed to her side._

"_Roy don't tell them… please don't tell them…"_

"_Tell them what May? Tell me what happened!" he begged rubbing her arms and trying to comfort her._

"_They came out of no where…" she said quietly, breathing heavily, trying to wipe away her tears._

_Roy noticed some cuts and bruises across her body and figured they had something to do with this._

"_May I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened…" he said just as quietly as her._

"_They came and they hit me… they said I should tell them about you… about the military… but I don't want to Roy… they said…" she started crying again and Roy hugged her, tightly._

"_It's Ok May, they won't touch you again, I promise…"_

…**.**

"Let me get this straight, well what I have so far; you met a little girl on the street, took her in, and basically raised her…"

"That about sums it up…"

"So what happened to her nine years ago?"

Roy swallowed and looked at Ed.

Ed blinked and felt like something in his chest had just been ripped up. It hurt him to see the expression on Roy's face. It looked like complete agony and Ed felt guilty, knowing it was his fault, his questions, that had put it there.

"That December… May was murdered by a gang, hoping to gain military secrets from her…"

…**.**

"_Are you positive? You can't possibly be mistaken…"_

"_We're sorry sir but we've already told you," and officer said, looking slightly irked with Roy for asking so many times, "We've checked, she's defiantly dead, we'd save her if we could, but we're not magicians… we're not gods, we can't work miracles…"_

"_No…" Roy said, imagining a fairly forgotten alchemy section of the library that nobody visited anymore, a certain book haunting his thoughts… "but I can…"_

…**.**

"What information could they gain on the military from her?" Ed asked, confused.

"Ed I have a fairly high position in the military, here was a girl living with me, who I could have told secret information, they thought get to her, get to me, get to the military, it's as simple as that…"

"So they killed her when she wouldn't tell them anything?"

"I suppose so, we never really learned the reason, we just found her dead at one of their abandoned hideouts…"

…**.**

"_Sir alchemy doesn't exist, it doesn't work, why are you bothering to try…" Hawkeye asked, sighing in exhaustion as she watched Roy search for a certain book._

"_Here it is…" he said, ignoring her comment. "Human transmutation…"_

"_Sir I'm telling you it wont' work! Besides even when alchemy existed it was illegal!" she was practically begging him now, "Sir please, even if alchemy existed there are no records of human transmutation ever working… so just give it up… Please Roy…"_

"_I don't care Riza… I _will _bring May back to me…"_

…**.**

"You're an idiot Roy…" Ed said simply, narrowing his eyes at his older flat-mate.

"What?" Roy asked looking at Ed, surprised by his blunt disregard for Roy's current feelings.

"You tried alchemy… you're an idiot…"

"I know, I know, Alchemy doesn't exist, it's just a myth… whatever Ed, I'm so sick of hearing that…"

"Oh Alchemy exists…" Ed said, much to Roy's surprise.

Ed rolled up the sleeves of the hoody he always wore and Roy's eyes widened as he looked at the metal arm he hadn't noticed until now attached to Ed's shoulder. "My leg too…" he said, sounding almost indifferent to his false limbs.

"I can't believe… you tried it too…" Roy said, more of a statement than a question.

"Yes…but I can't believe _you_ were stupid enough to try the greatest taboo alchemy has to offer…"

…**.**

"_Brother what if it doesn't work, what if we can't bring mom back!"_

"_We will Al, we'll get her back, they can't make me go to that damn orphanage… I'd rather die…"_

"_Brother please, maybe we can get a new family, we don't have to resort to this, no one knows if alchemy exists anyway!"_

"_It does Al, and it's going to bring mom back…"_

…**.**

"_Are you sure about this brother…?" Al asked for the millionth time, "Are you sure it's ok…?"_

"_Yes Al, I checked all the books and changed the array around, my calculations can't possibly be messed up, I've checked and double checked, I'm positive it's right…"_

"_Well sure Ed we can account for the body but what are you planning to do about mom's soul?"_

"_I'll use whatever I have to Al…but I need to see her again…"_

…**.**

"_Al no!" Ed shouted into the darkness, "Give Al back damnit!"_

"_I'll give you whatever you want, give him back!"_

"_I'll give you anything… give him back…"_

_Ed grabbed his rapidly bleeding leg and started sobbing. "Al…"_

_A few minutes later a scream could be heard coming from the old empty Hoenhiem house, and if anyone had entered they would've seen two little boys, one who's arm and leg were missing, and the other who sat quietly, unable to speak, unable to cry…_

…**.**

"_I don't care Pinako, I want the automail, I can't do anything without my arm and leg… I want to be able to use them again…"_

"_It'll hurt Ed…" Pinako said tentatively, Winry looking terrified and on the verge of tears behind her._

"_I don't care… Al's still hurting more…"_

"_But Ed…" Winry said quietly, looking over at Al who sat quietly in the corner, "Al can't feel anymore…"_

…**.**

"_Why do you continue defending that brat of a brother Edward?" Envy asked braiding Ed's hair, despite Ed's objections._

"_He's my brother, I need to protect him…" Ed said plainly._

"_That heartless thing is barely human, let alone a brother in need of protecting… he doesn't cry, he doesn't talk, he doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep, he can't feel a damn thing Edward, stop defending him…"_

"_I don't know why you're complaining 'dad'" Ed spat the last word, "Al's protection is the only reason I let you have your way with me…"_

_Envy smirked and leaned in to breathe on Ed's neck, "That's true…but I still don't understand how he even got that way…"_

"_It's called a taboo for a reason…" was all Ed said, and Envy didn't press anymore._

**Well there you go, my last update before school starts .:sighs dramatically:. But anyway, yeah lots of memories and stuff… it may be AU but the show's called Fullmetal ALCHEMIST so yeah… I put alchemy in there… but neither of them uses it anymore… and I left out the suit of armor and the gate… Al had to pay a different price….**

**Anyway thanks to my reviewers:**

**Evangeline Jr.**** – you do get a bit out of hand but I don't mind I love it! :) and he is rather rude isn't he… but I guess we can cut him some slack since his childhood sucked :P**

**Hikari Rio**** – ok I updated soon :P and glad you liked it… though your way of saying it was kinda scary… DON'T DO DRUGS!! Sorry… I'm a little out of it this morning -.-**


	6. To Have Nothing But You

**Summary: Two men meet by chance in a bar and they both explore places in their mind they didn't know they had anymore… AU… Yaoi… Royed**

**Warning: Yaoi (royed)… cursing… very suggestive themes… and angst… lots of angst…. And an OC (even if I killed her nine years before the story took place….) for people who hate that… Ed complains a lot… oh and an overuse of the word 'bastard'…. Just so you know…. :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Roy or Ed…. or Al…. or Winry…. Or anyone/anything else for that matter…. Oh hey I **_**do **_**own May and her pretty red ribbon, what now fool!?**

**Chapter 6: To have nothing but you**

Edward decided he officially hated work, well not work in general, it was probably just Roy's work but damn that stuff was boring.

As Roy had promised he took Edward with him to 'the office' so they could spend the day together and Ed realized that nothing, not even Roy's empty house, could compare with the level of boring that his office held.

Sure the people there were OK, there was Hawkeye (though Ed had to admit she was fairly terrifying…), Havoc (who smoked too much…), Breda (who had an irrational fear of puppy-dogs), Fuery (nerd…), and Falman (waaaaaaay too uptight…) and yeah, despite their faults they were pretty cool.

But paper work sucked… though Ed had been more diligent in doing it (even though it wasn't his) than Roy was… he seemed to have every excuse in the book ready at hand to tell Hawkeye to get out of it…. Ed didn't even realize that there were that many excuses that existed in the human world

Ed was stuck filing and sorting all day long and was finally saved when Breda and Havoc decided to give him the grand tour, and Fuery promised to show him the library and the technical room later.

"Score!" Ed shouted, raising a fist into the air and turning to smirk at Roy who groaned, looking to his left at a rather large stack of unfinished paperwork Hawkeye had recently given him.

"I'll see you later bastard!" Ed called as he, Breda, and Havoc headed for the door.

…**.**

"What do you know about the military Edward?" Breda asked as they wandered towards the hall towards the mess hall (well that's where Breda _said _they were going).

"Can't say I know a whole lot, I know about the rebellion, but only because it was near me and my neighbors were auto-mail mechanics…."

"Oh Breda no body cares about questions like that, we all know kids his age hate the military…" Havoc said, sounding almost bored with the whole situation as he continued to smoke on his cigarette.

"The real question is how did you end up living with Chief in the first place?"

…**.**

Ed stared in stunned silence for what seemed like hours. Fuery chuckled, but he sounded miles away, "I take that to mean you like it…" he laughed.

Ed nodded slowly, almost drooling at the prospect of reading all these books, "It's amazing…"

"Well then you better get to it!" Fuery said, still trying to hold back massive fits of laughter that normally wouldn't over take him, but the expression on Ed's face was just too much.

Ed looked at him dumbfounded, "I'm allowed to read them?"

"Well what else are we going to do with them, have at it and later we'll head to the tech room…"

Needless to say Ed and Fuery never made it to the tech room…

…**.**

"What's the matter sir?"

"What makes you think something's wrong Hawkeye?" Roy asked, not looking up from his paperwork.

"You're doing your paperwork…" came her simple response.

Normally Roy felt like he'd laugh at such a statement and come up with some smart remark but he really couldn't find the energy to do so.

"Yes… I am…" he answered, just as simply.

"And you look lonely…" Roy looked up at Hawkeye's comment and his eyebrows flew upwards.

"Lonely? What gave you that idea?"

"You keep staring at the door and the clock… and you can't sit still, though that may just be the paperwork…" she added, as though she knew that would be his excuse.

"I'm not lonely!" Roy objected, in an almost childish manner.

"Look sir, Edward's back…"

Roy's head flew up from the stack of paperwork, "Ed?"

"Definitely lonely…"

"What makes you say that?" Roy asked, irked with her after not seeing Ed.

"Because you fell for that…"

…**.**

"You notice anything funny, Riza?" Havoc asked, letting slight amusement slip into his normally indifferent as he listened to Roy and Ed's conversation through the walls.

"They're just books Edward, you should NOT have taken that long…"

"Didn't know you were counting the hours Bastard! It's not like it should matter where I go and for how long!"

"Who's going to do my paperwork if you're not here?"

"Do your own god damn paperwork!"

"No absolutely nothing…" Riza said, a slight trace of amusement in her voice as well as she stole a glance towards the door.

"Yeah…" Breda interrupted, "Those two get along awfully well…"

"That doesn't take a genius to figure out Heymens…" Fuery interjected.

"Come on guys they're just flat-mates, they're bound to get along well…" Falman said, no amusement in his tone whatsoever.

Havoc rolled his eyes and dunked his cigarette into his ash-tray. "You're so dull Falman…"

…**.**

The office was unsurprisingly quiet. Breda, Fuery, and Falman had all headed for the dorms and Roy and Ed had both gone back to their house for the night.

Only Havoc and Hawkeye remained in the normally noisy, and somewhat busy, office, and both were fine with this.

"Are you sure you're all right with this Riz?" Havoc asked, timidly, watching Riza's expression carefully. "About them being so close and all…"

Hawkeye looked at him, a fairly annoyed expression on her face. "I don't know what you mean…"

"Riz you and I both know how you feel about Roy…"

"Drop it Jean…" she said her tone becoming dangerous.

"I just want to know that you're ok with this, nothing more…"

"I find them amusing and I'm not remotely concerned with a relationship forming, Roy knows how much the military frowns on single gender relationships, he's not stupid, he knows a promotion could be riding on his having a _girl_friend, not a boyfriend. Besides, Roy also remembers what happened the last time he and someone he lived with got to be closer than friends, and I would be willing to bet you anything he won't allow anything remotely close to that happen again…"

Havoc blinked, she'd said it so indifferently… she'd basically admitted she was not jealous or afraid of Edward… which was very bold of her, and somewhat out of character.

Havoc sighed dramatically and shook his head as he pulled out the bet book from his section of the office, "How much did you say you would be willing to bet?"

…**.**

Ed hung his coat up, despite the turn of the month the weather was still fairly chilly and Ed couldn't wait for warmer weather to finally arrive.

He went towards the kitchen in order to prepare dinner for both him and Roy and he stole a glance at the calendar hanging by the sink as he passed by.

He blinked as he scanned the week and his eyes paused on Saturday…

"Roy Saturday is May 5th… would you mind if I went out that afternoon…?" Ed asked, his voice passive and quiet.

"Sure Ed, where you going?" Roy asked, unaware of the change in Ed's demeanor.

"It doesn't matter really…"

"If you tell me I can go with you, I have the weekends off…"

"OK well… I want to visit my brother's grave…"

…**.**

Ed sat quietly in the car as Roy drove to the address Ed had written down for him. Roy had recognized the address immediately and said he'd stay there with Ed, and Ed wondered vaguely who it was Roy was going to visit, but he didn't let it bother him, he just wanted to focus on Al.

He found it hard to believe how long it'd been since he'd lost Al, both literally and figuratively to tell the truth.

Al had been making frequent visits to some place, and he had never told Ed, or Envy, where he was going, he'd simply go. He'd go and go and one day he didn't come back until days later. The only hint he ever gave, as to where he was going, was when he let slip that "the day is coming when she and I will say goodbye…"

Ed stole a glance at Roy, he'd been wondering lately if Al had been going anywhere near Roy's flat-mate, who was a girl and had one day also suddenly disappeared (though she showed up dead, while Al simply came back home).

Ed swallowed and looked out the window. He continued to wonder who the 'she' was that Al had mentioned all those years ago. He realized it could simply be coincidence, though he wondered if that was truly it, that Al had disappeared for those few days in December, nine years ago….

After he'd disappeared that December he talked even less than usual, but neither Ed nor Envy had ever bothered to comment on it, they simply let it be.

Al would spend every day sitting in his room, only eating and sleeping when necessary. He'd read a small black leather bound book that he'd brought with him from his final outing to… wherever it was he had been going… and he did nothing but read it, and read it, until one rather cold morning in May he stopped moving.

He turned his attention to the bag at his side, the book inside. He'd never read it, he never wanted too… Al had read it until he died… bringing it from that place he'd always been going to…

Ed looked out the window again and continued to stay there the rest of the ride, lamenting the loss of his brother and Roy's flat-mate, wondering again if that was really who Al had met all those years ago…

…**.**

"Ed we're here…" Roy said quietly, ending Ed's musings as they arrived at the cemetery parking lot; a simple, yet still ornate, gate resting on the top of a hill not far off.

"Right…" Ed replied, just as quietly, grabbing his bag and opening the door.

"What's with the bag, Edward?" Roy asked, trying to lighten Ed's mood. He received no reply as Ed walked briskly towards the gate.

Roy followed not far behind and watched Ed's back as he walked. Despite Ed's shorter legs he managed to keep a fair distance between himself and Roy as he walked and he didn't stop or turn around until they reached the gate.

"You can do what you want…" Ed said, "I'd rather be by myself… for now anyway…"

"Sure Ed, do what you want, there's someone I would like to visit anyway…"

"Who?" Ed asked, unable to stop himself, yet leaving only a light trace of curiosity in his voice.

"An old friend…"

…**.**

"_Ed go get your stupid little brother, it's time for dinner…" Envy said, the annoyance plain in his tone._

"_One he's not stupid, two I'm not your slave, go do it yourself…"_

"_What, are you afraid of talking to him while he's reading that god damned book?"_

"_It's important to him, I won't stop him from reading it…"_

"_Whoever that girl was she had one hell of a grip on that boy…"_

"_I don't think he loved her Envy…" Ed said, raising an eyebrow and looking at Envy skeptically._

"_It's 'dad' Edward, and you're right, I forgot, that damn brat can't feel anything at all…"_

"_Bastard…" Ed mumbled as he turned around and stalked off towards Al's room._

…**.**

"Hey Al…" Ed said, smiling sadly at a plain looking gravestone.

_Here Lies Alphons Hoen--_

_Died as --, with nothing but Edward and 'her.'_

_--his beloved brother Edward Elric._

Edward frowned, the date had become worn and several of the words had also become faded with time and a lack of care. One of the most bothersome being the last name… He'd wanted it to read Elric… Envy had compromised by adding it after Hoenhiem… both names which had now become faded…

He shook his head, and knelt down in front of the grave pulling out the book.

He felt like the wind had picked up slightly as the book emerged from the bag but he paid it little mind as he stared at the book and then at the grave.

"Died as he lived…" he said, wiping some dust from the faded last words, "…With nothing but Edward and 'her'…" Envy had added that part… only after Ed objected to him writing 'died as he lived, with nothing inside his empty heart…'

"_That's not true 'dad', Al cared, he just… he just couldn't express it… he can't… and that's _my _fault, not his, you can't put that!"_

"_Fine Edward," Envy spat, irritated, "You'll get your way, that bastard brother of yours had nothing but you and that girl who's book killed him…"_

"Survived by his beloved brother…" Ed said, annoyed with the fading words on the stone.

"You'd think they'd take better care of a gravestone wouldn't you brother…" Ed said, sighing dramatically and running his fingers along the spine of the slightly worn book.

"You know what Al… to make it up to you I'm going to read you some of this book…" Ed looked up from the book towards the grave, looking determined.

…**.**

Roy had originally had every intention of going to visit his friend… he hadn't been to talk to Maes in quite some time… and he promised himself, as he secretly followed Edward towards his brothers grave, that he'd go back and bring Ed with him.

What he hadn't expected to see when he followed Ed, with only the intent of stepping in if Ed got too emotional and needed a shoulder, to see him pull out something from his bag and talk determinedly to the grave before him.

And the thing he expected least of all was too see that the book was a very familiar looking black leather bound diary….

…**.**

"_I keep telling you 14 is a big number…"_

"_And I keep telling you, it's not!" May objected for the millionth time, staring at the present warily, "I know you're having some problems at work, I don't want you to waste your time buying me presents…"_

"_Everything is fine, besides I want nothing more than to buy you a present…"_

"_That doesn't say much for your life and dreams…" May said sarcastically, still not accepting the present._

"_Just take it May, I know you've been feeling stressed lately and I really think that this will help out…"_

"_I'm only stressed because you've been looking stressed!!" May shouted exasperated._

"_I'll only be more stressed if you don't accept the stupid present…" Roy said, feeling just as annoyed as he could tell May was feeling._

"_Fine… only because you'll get stressed…" she said, taking the present and opening it quickly, trying to hide the excitement she hadn't wanted to reveal at any point in the argument._

_Roy saw the 'hidden' excitement and smiled as May's originally sour and angry expression turned to one of joy._

_She held up a black, leather-bound diary, and took it to her chest, grinning, "Thanks Roy, I'll write in it every day!"_

…**.**

Ed blew some dust off the book cautiously, unaware that Roy was standing not far behind him, frozen by the sight of the book.

Ed opened the book timidly, almost afraid he would break it if he opened it too quickly, after all this book had not been opened in nine years…

He looked on the inside cover and dropped the book in his surprise; all was silent until he finally managed to stutter, "The—the… the diary of May Hiedrich…"

**Oh I'm so evil, bad plot-twists/cliff-hangers, bad! .:scolds them and then myself for writing them:. Bad!**

**Anyway that was a rather evil ending, sorry, and the chapter was very long o.O (well my longest yet anyway…) but there you go, hope you enjoyed, sorry I haven't updated I've been very busy (between school, last minute summer homework, and my birthday (plus a bit of birthday angst provided by one of my friends -.-) I haven't had much time to myself to think, let alone write…) but anyway, hope u liked, I'll try to update again later this week…. !! :)**


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